Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You're Meant to Have - Walter Makichen At 21 weeks I lost my twin sons due to prematurity that resulted from a subchorionic hematoma that I suffered from most of the pregnancy. This was my first intimate brush with death and loss and grief. I had been thinking that as Christmas 2012 approached I would be bringing my twins home from the hospital, instead that fall, my husband and I purchased burial plots and picked out a coffin. I was so starkly shocked by the turn of events that I felt everything with such gut wrenching purity that I had no idea where to start processing how I felt anything. A few weeks after the funeral, life carried on as if the summer of 2012 hadn’t happened at all. My husband returned to work, my life picked up where it had left off prior to the pregnancy and conversation of my twins’ fate seemed to cease amongst family and friends, it turned into a taboo subject that I was left to reconcile with on my own. The offered words of, “Everything happens for a reason” and “Time will heal all wounds,” were nothing of comfort to me. Just phrases to fill an awkward silence with dear ones that felt sympathy, but couldn’t relate and didn’t know the right words of comfort - if there were any.

I don’t know how I came across Makichen’s book or why I even gave it a go. It sounded kooky and bordered on bizarre, but he wrote with such conviction it was a comfort. Besides leaving me grief ridden, my twins' death had also shaken my comfort in the universe and my place with in it. It brought the reality home of how fleeting life could be and that nothing is for granted. Spirit Babies didn’t unshake this new realization, but it made it okay. It never gave a reason on why I had to bury my twins and it didn’t even really offer hope that this wrong would be righted, but it gave me solace. My faith in God was never shaken, but it reminded me that I had it.

This book will not be for everyone and it is not meant for everyone. One would hope that most will not ever face a need for this book. But if you find yourself having trouble conceiving or just seeking a connection with your spirit baby or in the unfortunate state of burying your infants, Makichen relays his encounters with spirit babies with a compelling admission of truth that connected me back to the universe and my journey in it. It allowed me to find the hope in myself that the wrong of the summer of 2012 will be righted and that my spirit baby will grace me again. I hope his words do the same for you.